Eating Healthy

So on this message board I'm on I posted something and the subsequent discussion really got me thinking about me and food and WHAT EATING HEALTHY IS. Is it eating the exact right proportion of nutrients? Or is it eating in a way that is healthy for both mind AND body?

Photo Credit: Boise State

I've always eaten pretty healthy. We only do brown rice, whole grains, eat loads of fruits and veggies, raw milk, etc. The majority of what we eat are great nourishing foods. Yet still I'm overweight. Yet still I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. And as I'm trying to truly change my life I realize that things with food are NOT simple. While in theory the whole "just eat healthy foods" thing is great, I am realizing that I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that for me, that's not all there is to eating healthy.

I FINALLY realize why things like going low carb, etc. don't work for me. If I truly DO them successfully they do but I always fail then I feel even worse than ever. When I do restrictive kinds of diets I tie certain foods to right and wrong. So if I am only supposed to have no processed food at all and I eat say a small bowl of ice cream I feel like I've done WRONG, I've sinned even. Or if I'm only going to have a certain number of carbs and I crave an orange and I eat that I feel horrible. An orange! When I restrict certain TYPES of food, I tie food into my identity, my spiritual life, into whether I'm doing right or wrong. I spend the entire time I try to lose weight burdened heavily by my constant failure ,feeling overwhelmed with a feeling of constantly being in sin. And as we can guess then I overeat and gain more. This is what has happened this entire Holiday season for me (okay and my entire adulthood).

I want to learn to eat normally. I want to learn to healthy portions of whatever the food is. I want to be able to eat a few bites of ice cream and not eat the whole carton because well.... what difference does it make? I've already blown my diet by eating ice cream so might as well really enjoy it and eat a ton right? No. I want to be able to ENJOY food enough that I can savor a portion instead of shoveling it in where I enjoy it even LESS.

I wish I had NEVER dieted. I can't eat a single thing without thinking if it's high carb, low carb, high cal, etc. etc. I DO NOT want to be like this the rest of my life. I want to enjoy the blessing that food is. I don't want rules that make me obsess about food MORE. 5 small meals instead of 3. Well if I don't want 5 my mind is consumed with the fact that I either overate the last meal, or my metabolism's a mess and that's what I don't want 5. If I want 7 then I'm consumed with that I shouldn't have 7 or I'll get fat. All the food RULES destroy for me the blessing that food is. For ME saying "eat only nourishing foods and give yourself a small treat a day" would be a rule that in Day 1 I would break and then the self-condemnation would ensue. I want to be able to eat in a WAY that's healthy. Not only eat healthy foods because rationally that means I'm the healthiest. I want to EAT in a way that's healthy. So eat when I'm truly hungry. Eat only the amount I need. I want to be able to enjoy a treat if it sounds good and not feel the need to eat 10 pieces. I want to eat the way the Lord designed food to be IMO.

Food has definitely become an idol for me. I think of it often. I obsess about it. I get consumed with thoughts about food. Those thoughts can be of the cake I'm not allowed to eat so all I do is think about how great it smells and would taste. Or they can be because I then chose to eat some cake and then spend forever beating myself up about it. It is an idol in my life.

Years of dieting has destroyed my thought life with food. I try and take them captive and the captives revolt the second I take another bite.

Though I admit I'm scared of the idea of NOT having rules for my food. I haven't been able to trust myself to make good choices up until now so why would I make any from now on? I admit to being skeptical that I will EVER shake these tapes that run through my head over and over when I eat even the smallest thing. But it's my goal. So I'm starting this journey. HOW to do it I don't know yet. But hopefully as I read the rest of Overfed Head I'll learn LOL!